How Marie Kondo Helped Me Tackle Toxicity and Non-Necessity

About 2 years ago, I got an audio book from the library by a teeny tiny Japanese organizing consultant lady who had a very different approach to cleaning out, cutting back, prioritizing, etc.  I gave it a go and didn’t do half bad.  Flash forward and Marie Kondo is now everywhere you look.  She has been on all of the major networks, has numerous books, even has her own Netflix series now (watch it) and, practice what she preaches or not, you just can’t not like her. 

As part of my new effort to haul my aging ass out of bed at 5am to squeeze in some “me time” on the treadmill (if this is what they mean by self-care, I prefer not caring), I indulge in things that my family wouldn’t want to watch necessarily, or that many people would make fun of, and I don’t care.  That’s the “me” part of the “me time”, people.  Well, for about 10 days I binge watched Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix.  The first thing I would like to say is props to Marie and the producers for covering a varying array of society.  She covered households with kids, without kids, empty nesters, newlyweds, gay couples, straight couples, retired couples, a new widow with 3 grown kids, young, middle aged, older, everything.  And the best part was that I could see a little teeny tiny Marie Kondo sized piece of myself in all of the scenarios.  It really made me stop and think of what I have and what I need and what is important and why. 

First and foremost upon completion of the visual binge, I KonMari’d the crap out of my clothes.  I looked for sparks of joy in sweaters, had heated arguments with several pairs of pants, bought some shorts a farewell margarita, had a deep and meaningful discussion with my inner child until we agreed that I did not need the plaid winter coat and hat from when we were 5, thanked name worthy leather bags and told them that it wasn’t their fault the animals had suffered, purse-say (pun totally intended), but that I needed to move on.  And then there were the t-shirts.  Good lord, the t-shirts.  Dressers vomiting cotton, poly and rayon blends from every corner of every drawer.  How many times did I exclaim “Oh!  That’s where that was!” after a 3 year MIA oversized shirt with a bank logo on it that I won at a baseball game would show itself.

Really?  How had this happened?  When did I become this person?  So many well-meaning gifts received over the years that just sit for one reason or another.  (Sidebar:  I will give and receive gift cards over clothes any day.  There is nothing harder than buying/receiving clothes for/from another person that is not your young child).  But I Googled the KonMari method for folding and went to town.  I was literally in self-imposed solitary confinement in my bedroom for about 5 hours on a Saturday.  I made it through 5 Beth Hart albums and some extra tunes here and there.  But I did it.  A few decisions were difficult, but overall I truly feel I made the right choices. 

All of this got me thinking about how I felt cleansed in a weird non woo woo practical grown up mom lady kind of way.  Basically, as cleansed as a “normal” person can feel about their clothes.  But it felt good.  It felt lighter.  And then it hit me.  I could apply this to so much more in my life.  I just don’t mean clothes, books, papers, Komono (miscellaneous stuff), and sentimental items like teeny tiny Marie Kondo wants you to tediously do in a very specific order (I loved it when the widow was like, no Marie, doing it in my order, in my way).  I mean habits I have and words I use and people I interact with.   The physical items were really taking up space and wasting a lot of my time and energy looking at/for them.  Well, weren’t there other things that did that as well?  Weren’t there things, and even people, that maybe unbeknownst to me were just sucking the life out of me?  I really and truly am a positive person, but there are some situations and people you simply cannot change.  Like the other child’s mom who somehow criticizes your parenting at every interaction with a smile on her face so that you don’t realize until you are halfway home and you scream “That bitch!” in the car, but thankfully your kids head is buried in his tablet (nothing to see here, folks, move along).  Or the coworker who is simply the most negative person on the planet.  I am all for positivity and killing them with kindness, but after a while, I’m like “Fuck off, and go be miserable down the hall.”  That may sound harsh to some people, but I’m not talking about having a bad day (we all have them), or depression (it’s a real thing). I’m talking about people that just complain about every single thing, every single day, and shoot down every single idea or tear down others in order to make themselves feel better.  Why am I even trying with these people anymore??  And then there are the people that just make you feel bad about yourself.  These are the worst.  They are the people that say they care, and act like they care, but in reality they have a way of hurting you, insulting you and cutting you down more than anyone else.  And it hurts so badly because they are the ones you trust the most and you believe what they say.  You gotta dig yourself out from under these people.  You are better than them, and so am I.  You are strong.  You wouldn’t have made it through three weeks of my novice, meandering, finding its way blog if you weren’t (if this is the first post you are reading, go back and read the other 2, just to prove to yourself how strong you really are…and subscribe so your strength can continue to grow…ok, I’ll stop now).  

Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, binge eating, bullying. These are all things that you need to stop, because you are better than them.  In the big, big, big picture, what are they bringing you?  

Negative, Batman.  In that big, big, big picture, they are bringing you nothing more than that oversized t-shirt with the bank logo on it. 

These things and habits and people are toxic.  They are like a chemical eating away at your flesh or your organs or your soul.  They are non-essential.  They are unnecessary.  So, the next time you find yourself giving too much, trying too hard and finding yourself as the one with your face down in the gutter when you woke up that morning singing some Katrina and the Waves, just remember to KonMari the crap out of...well...the crap.

This may not be exactly what Marie Kondo was going for, but she definitely has made an impact on me and I am grateful.

Go have a rock star day.

Baby Steps, Big Changes

Just to set the record straight, I’m not some 40 year vegetarian, 30 year vegan, woo woo, meditating, deep breathing, yoga stretching, matchstick Victoria’s Secret model in a custom made sports bra sitting in the lotus position writing this.  Far from it, my friends.

I’m a 44 year old wife and mom, who could stand to lose a few pounds, with a full time job, 2 felines, a good sense of humor and what seems like very little time.  I like to think of myself as a late bloomer when it comes to this whole plant based thing.  My husband and I got married in 2005 and soon after that, for one reason or another, we decided to give up meat.  It was really just health based, I think.  My dad was obese with a terrible diet and passed away from a heart attack 6 weeks before our wedding, never getting to meet his son in law and my beautiful then 5 year old step-daughter. Maybe that was always gnawing at the back of my brain. Also it was about this time that someone from a former job of mine had recommended The China Study, which I read and enjoyed, and got the gist of, but was a little science-y of a read for me.  So we decided to make this change. And I’d say we held fairly strong for about 4-6 months.  But life takes over, grills come out, social pressures impede, and it’s just easier to do what you know, you know? 

Flash forward to 2017, I'm pretty sure it was Mother’s Day weekend.  And my friend whom we shall call Carrie (hi, Carrie!), came over with dinner for us, just because she is awesome and generous like that.  She had prepared a completely raw dinner for us.  I remember she had made some type of raw burgers which we wrapped in lettuce leaves, and some kind of noodles, I think they were kelp, with a homemade raw sauce.  We were doing the nodding and smiling deal with wide eyes hoping she would not see the terror in our faces.  But out of love and gratefulness, we took a bite.  Then another.  Then another.  Before we knew it we were done and asking for more.  Carrie told us that she had been dabbling in raw food and was enjoying it.  What was this foreign train I felt I needed to board?    And thus my wheels began to spin.

Podcasts were a foreign concept to me.  I didn’t get it.  Probably because I never really tried it.  So I downloaded a free podcast app (Podcast Addict) and starting searching.  This was where I found Laura-Jane, The Rawtarian.  I devoured her podcast from episode one and started incorporating more raw style foods into my diet, and less and less meat.  This meant, automatically including more fruits and veggies in my diet, something that had previously been a very small percentage of my food intake.

I found myself feeling better, sleeping better, and losing some weight, simply by changing what I ate.  I was astounded.  This could simply not be possible.  I HATED exercise and never did it, so that certainly wasn’t it.  The only thing that I had altered was my diet.  I was so intrigued.  Netflix and the Buncombe County Library became my best friends.

My husband and I devoured all of the documentaries we could watch online and from the library:  ForksOver Knives, Vegucated, Food Inc., What the Health?, Cowspiracy, Food Matters, FoodChoices, Supersize Me, Why Are We Fat?, Beyond Food, Hungry For Change, PlantPure Nation, Vegan Everyday Stories, Fed Up, In Defense of Food.  You name, it we watched it.  Our jaws dropping further and further with each nugget of information.

Then I thought wait, there must be more of those podcast thingys about this stuff, too!!  BOOM.  Vickie and Larissa of Vegetarian Zen infiltrated my life starting sometime in the summer of 2017, and they have never left, please find them and love and cherish them and their Peas and Carrots Society as I do (Whaddup??!!).  Now I feel like I’m best buds with Alyssa of Live Planted.   Chuck Carroll (the weight loss champion) and I have a good laugh as we learn every Thursday when his new Exam Room podcast drops.  And through all of this, over the past 21 months, we have continued to make changes, and feel different, better.  But I seriously couldn’t have done it without these people and resources.  People like Dr. Colin T. Campbell, Dr. Michael Greger, The Minimalist Baker, the Cheap Lazy Vegan, Dr. Neal Barnard of the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, Caitlin Shoemaker of From My Bowl, and oh so many more!  I’m telling you, the more you dig, the more you learn, the more you find ideas to try, the more you learn what works for you and what doesn’t.

This digital world that we live in has so many pros and cons.  You really have to find the way to make it work for you, not against you.  For example, don’t ever Google your symptoms, it will just tell you 19 ways that you are dying.  Do, however, google things like “easy vegan lasagna”, “easy vegan cheesecake”, "easy vegan mac and cheese”, “easy vegan buffalo wings”.   Oops, careful Lisa, you’re going to get a rep as an easy vegan, LOL!!  HAHAHAHA!!!  I kill me.  But I digress…

I’m not a strict anything. I just strive to eat 100% plant based, cooked, raw, home, out, wherever, and whatever and however.  It began for my health, and now my reasons have broadened as I learn more about animal cruelty, the environment and how these little choices I make every day can have such an enormous impact.

I will have other posts on foods and ideas that are more specific.  But what I want you to know is that this is not an all or nothing deal.  You do your own vegan you, if that is what you’re looking for.  Maybe that is Meatless Mondays.  Maybe it’s giving up all animal products but cheese (because OMG.  But more on that later.  I’ll let you enjoy it a little longer before I gross out.  Because we’re friends now J).  Maybe it is just eating less meat and dairy for a while to test the waters.  Maybe you want to just add more fruits and veggies and whole grains and legumes to whatever your existing diet consists of.  ROCK ON!!  Just do what you can when you can and before you know it, you will most likely find that these decisions are not even decisions anymore, they are just your natural choices that don’t require any more thought.

Maybe you’re doing it for your health.

Maybe you’re doing it for the love and safety of the animals.

Maybe you’re doing it for the environment, we only got one planet, peeps.

Whatever your reason(s) are, just do it.  One baby step at a time.  And me?  Hey, I’m just another resource for you on this wacky journey that I hope is long and healthy for both of us.  So please let me know if you have any questions, concerns or comments.  Nothing is too big or too small.

Go have a rock star day.

PS.  I figured out how to do hyperlinks today.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

How Did I Get Here?!

This blog.  My blog.  It has been staring me in the face for several minutes here and there throughout my busy days and weeks for many months now.  I would dabble in building and designing it.  Get frustrated because I am essentially “blog-building illiterate”.  The glaring “NO POSTS” would attack me from the page every time I logged in (often forgetting the password because it had been so long).  What exactly did I want to write about?  Didn’t I need a very specific niche?  Didn’t I need to be incredibly amazing at something in particular in order to make my words worthy to be put out there?  There just never seems to be enough time.  I work, I mom, I wife, I life and the clock just keeps spinning and spinning.

Then, this morning, on this blustery Wednesday, February 13^th, my 8 year old son did something unprecedented.  He decided not to play the Xbox this morning with the free time before school.  He chose to come into the kitchen with blank paper and a pencil.  As I washed dishes in my bathrobe with a towel on my head, watching the clock as always, he sat with a grin on his face and I left him to it.  Blow drying my hair in the bathroom, there was a knock on the door and a “MOM, CAN YOU TURN THAT OFF FOR A SEC?”  I turned it off and he handed me a folded piece of paper.  I asked him if he wanted to wait until Valentine’s Day and he said no, that he wanted to give it to me today.  There was a pencil drawn heart on the front with “I Love You” in the center.  The tears started almost immediately when I opened it.  On the right was another heart and “I Love You!”  And on the left was my son’s early Valentines note for me:

Dear Mom,

I love you so much! XOXOXOXOXO.  Thank you for doing all of the cooking and the dishes.  I know sometimes you have a hard time and I make it harder.  But like you said to me yesterday, you are the most important thing in world to me.  I am sorry.

Thank you,

From Lennon

He hadn’t done anything wrong, we had had a great morning.  But this was how he chose to spend his time this morning.  He chose to spend it reminding me that he loves me and apologizing for things that have happened in the past, and will most likely happen in the future.  But he made the decision that this was more important than his Xbox this morning.  And he had listened to and remembered what I had told him yesterday.  This was the greatest gift I ever could have gotten.

And it was eye opening.

Ultimately we choose how we spend our time.  We lecture our kids about spending too much time in front of one screen or another,  we lecture people at work (or are lectured) about how work time is spent and how could it be more productive.  Sure, there are some things we have no control over.  And we are just as guilty of falling prey to various time sucks as everyone else.  But the things and the time that we do have control over, we sacrifice much too easily.  We hand it to social media, to Amazon, to Netflix, to online shopping.  Don’t get me wrong, all of these things are amazing and have improved my life in so many ways, but they also have stolen a little piece of who I am by swallowing whole what small pockets of time I might find that are actually mine.  I think it is time that I reclaim it.  I wanted to start a blog because I am a creative person, always have been.  I’ve always liked to sing and write and perform and entertain.  It was an outlet for me and most of the time other people benefited from my efforts as well.  But this thing called Life just seems to have taken over every nook and cranny of my existence and I just felt like there was no room for Creative Lisa. Or more accurately, no time for her.

Having recently adopted a plant based diet, and really enjoying it, my husband suggested I start a vegan blog.  ME???  I don’t know anything about being vegan.  All of the websites I go to and podcasts I listen to and YouTube channels I watch (potential time suck, anyone?) are so much better than me and know so much more than me.  Who would ever want to read ME?  Enter excuses <here>.  I was terrified.  Where did I start?  What would I write about? No, no, no + too much + I can’t = shut down.  But I continued to cook and eat and sing in the car and think. 

My tag has always been Vocalmama.  It’s very fitting: I sing, I love music, I’m mouthy, somewhat opinionated (gulp), and I’m a mom.  Add the plant based diet persona and we get VeganVocalmama.  As I started thinking about this, it seemed more comfortable, more fitting.  I could write about lots of things regarding different aspects of veganism, music and parenting.  If people like you wanted to read them, great! And if not, well, their loss.

So here I am.  A lesson learned from son on choosing how to spend my time.  I have to find the time for myself, and if I can’t find it, I have to make it.  And yes, the laundry might sit an extra day.  Maybe I write on my lunch break instead of walking one day.  Maybe we make the leftovers that are on their last legs stretch for one more dinner.  Why?  Because without me and the small bit of sanity that I am miraculously able to maintain on a moment to moment basis, this world would be a different place.

So I hope you come back for some more food, music, thoughts and conversation…and hopefully laughs (life is nothing without laughs).

Go have a rock star day.